I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
