No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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