I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she told me i tasted like america
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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