i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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