I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
