so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
