hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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