Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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