he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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