Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
