I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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