Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
