I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
