you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
