You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
