I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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