I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
