true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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