I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
