That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
