how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
