Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
