We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
