he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
