Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
