At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
