last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
