Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
