If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
