The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
