your thong is hanging out like whoa
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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