Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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