you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
