I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
