I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
