i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am available for nakedness
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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