He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
