i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's not a walk of shame if you run
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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