My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
