If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
