Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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