Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
