tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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