Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
