I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize