I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
