how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
