im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
