We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
