I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I looked at my own cervix.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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