Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
