Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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