so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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