what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i think im in europe. pls send help
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