Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
