Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
