with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
