capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
