8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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