Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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