i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize