i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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