Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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