I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
