Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
