You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
