this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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