I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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