The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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