i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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