You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
