Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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