My entire life is one complicated drinking game
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
