i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
